Eustress or Distress: Is This Stress Growing Me or Grinding Me Down?
I was recently talking with my therapist about 2024 being a very big year, and the fact that I seemed to catch a couple of colds last year that were really hard to shake. I wondered out loud if that might have been connected to stress.
As we chatted, she shared an interesting concept I’d not come across before – the distinction between eustress and distress. Essentially, that the stretch of stress can be either from good stress or bad stress.
Eustress is the positive kind of stress. It’s what you feel when you’re pushing towards a meaningful goal, learning new skills from a positive new growth opportunity, or growing into a positive life change. It stretches you, but it also grows and energises you.
Distress is the harmful or excessive kind of stress. It drains and depletes you, leaving you disconnected from the life-giving activities and relationships that nourish you. It pushes you beyond your capabilities, either through excessive demands, timelines, or strains.
What makes it tricky is that both can feel intense. Both can come with pressure and even similar physical experiences. But they lead to very different outcomes.
Stretch zone or Burnout zone?
In At Your Best, Carey Nieuwhof talks about the too-common tendency to tell ourselves we’re in a stressful season, when we’re really living perpetually beyond our capacity.
“If your busy season has no ending, it’s not a season – it’s your life.”
He points out that we often imagine that the next vacation will reset our balance and get us back into energy surplus, yet it is frequently wishful thinking –
“Time off won’t heal you when the problem is how you spend your time on. Days off, vacations, and even sabbaticals aren’t a complete solution for an unsustainable pace. A sustainable pace is the solution for an unsustainable pace.”
When I first read that back in 2021, it resonated deeply with me. Because so often in leadership, we normalise the red zone. We ‘just work harder’. And we miss the warning signs that what started as eustress has quietly morphed into something unsustainable.
Life-Long Growth
At the same time, the goal isn’t an easy pace that keeps us in our comfort zone, coasting through life. Without the energising stretch of new opportunities, new learnings, and exciting life changes (even those that come with complexity and stressors), life would become pretty boring. As would we.
To achieve anything meaningful in life, we must be willing to dig in, grow, conquer challenges, and push ourselves beyond what we currently feel capable of.
How Do You Tell the Difference?
There’s no ‘test’ for discerning whether the stretch we are feeling comes from the stress of positive growth or negative distress, but here are some elements to consider:
Questions that Help Take Our Own Temperature
When we’re unsure about the nature of the stress and its toll, we can ask ourselves questions like:
Is there meaning in this pressure?
Am I still experiencing moments of recovery, even if the days are full?
Is there joy alongside the frustrations and stretch?
If this pace continued for the next six to twelve months, what would that do to my body, my relationships, or my joy?
And sometimes, processing these questions out loud with someone we trust – whether a therapist or a key person in our lives – can help when perspective gets a bit foggy because we’re tired.
It Can Be Both
Leadership – and any other important area of life – often holds both eustress and distress.
That project might be exciting and exhausting.
That major life change might be life-giving and demanding.
That strategic shift might be deeply aligned with your purpose and stretching you further than you’ve ever gone.
There’s no shame in feeling the weight. But there’s wisdom in noticing what kind of weight we’re carrying, how long we’ve been carrying it, and the impact it’s having on us physically, emotionally, mentally and relationally.
The Importance of the Pause
If you’re feeling stretched right now, you’re not alone. But maybe take a moment to pause and ask yourself:
Is this stress growing me, or grinding me down?
Is this also filling my tank, even as it’s requiring my resources?
Am I being shaped, or just shaken?
There’s no right answer. Just a small pause to listen.
And in leadership, taking those pause moments, both alone and with those we trust, can be the most powerful reflection opportunities to shape our next steps.